All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
