Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
