these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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