it was like his penis was on wheels.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
