umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
