he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
