My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
