I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
