I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hippo gnu deer
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
