Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
