I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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