So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
