there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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