hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
