did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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