My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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