as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
