So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
