Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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