capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize