so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
