Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
These tits shall not be calmed
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
