He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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