i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
