I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
