We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
