just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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