My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
