maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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