Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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