I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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