i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
