Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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