apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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