Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
