i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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