I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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