guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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