you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
