There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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