No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
