I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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