He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
