dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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