so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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