she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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