So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
