Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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