Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
