oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
