and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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