Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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