all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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