Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
