Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
