i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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