WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
high people should be assigned attendants
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
