Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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