i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
where are my eyebrows?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
