dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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