um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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