it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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