Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
