You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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