Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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