i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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