you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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