I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
