isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
