We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
