Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
