it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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