if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
