Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
